WANTED
As a therapeutic counsellor I know from papers, books and
experience that we are shaped by our early life experiences and most of my
clients’ psychological and emotional issues find their roots in early
childhood. Paediatricians say that
babies can hear sounds (words?) whilst still in the mother’s wombs and much of what they hear they retain long
after they are born, so mothers are encouraged to regularly talk to their
unborn babies. Feeling of not being
wanted or loved can therefore be picked up in the womb and remain with them long after they have been
born, especially if subsequent experiences reinforce those feelings.
Something a person may have for the rest of their lives. So it is not surprising voices echo
round and round in one’s head saying you are not wanted. You are an abomination and should be got rid
of.
By the time I was 10, I had had 3 fathers, none of whom were my biological father and a
voice buried deep within me which occasionally can just be heard, saying
“Get rid of him. He is not wanted
and you have to choose between him and me.
This feeling reinforced by my mother saying she refused to have me
aborted and she married the first husband in order that I would not be born out
of wedlock. That I would not have “illegitimate”
on my birth certificate or called a “bastard.”
A scandalous thing in the late forties. So my first name was Jones. My mother would never talk much about my early days or how her first husband accepted another man’s child as his own
but it wasn't a happy marriage. Shouting and rows predominated and after 3 or 4 years
they separated but not before they had had the first of my three sisters. Shortly afterwards she married again. As far as my memory goes, the next few years were a happy time for my
mother, me and by now 2 sisters until
the police appeared on the scene and took him away, charging him with bigamy. It transpired he was still married to his
first wife and he was subsequently sent to prison. On his release, although he wanted to come back my mother
wouldn't have it. She had been
badly hurt by the shame and sense of betrayal because of the bigamy. At the age of 10 my mother married again to
the man I now call my dad, Stan
Noble. A third daughter was born shortly
afterwards. Stan then decided he
wanted to adopt us so that all four of us would be his children and all would
be call Noble. And so he did and Noble
I have remained ever since. The eldest
son to Stanley Noble with 3 younger sisters. Stan died 20 years later whilst I was stationed
in Malta on a Royal Navy wireless station.
(RNWS Zebbugge).
Shortly after my mother had married for the third time we
moved to Thorpe Salvin, I lost track of the many times we moved in my early years but I believe I went to 13 schools by the age of 16. Thorpe Salvin is a small village about 5 miles from Worksop,
Nottinghamshire, 30 miles from Sheffield and close to the
borders of Yorkshire and Lincolnshire.
2 miles from where we lived is Shireoaks where the three borders
meet. My mother a Lancaster mill
lass, the man I call dad a Yorkshire
man and we lived in Nottinghamshire.
No wonder I am a mixed up kid, Wearing on one foot a Lancaster mill clogg, a miners boot on the other whilst chasing the sheriff of Nottingham.
But it was there my Heavenly father found me and said “I am your Father. I
will never leave you” And He hasn't
. Since the age of 13 until now He has
never left me and I know He never will.
No matter what I do, no matter
where I go He will never leave me. At
the age of 10 my earthly father adopted me,
at the age of 13, my Heavenly Father adopted me. So no matter what happens, I
know I am a Noble man and a son of the Most High God until the day I die
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