More thoughts in 2010 - A networking church

MARRIED   -  FAMILY  - FELLOWSHIP  -  NETWORKING CHURCH

At the beginning God created man and in Genesis 2 v 18 said  "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him”   So God created woman and presented her to Adam as an helpmate   and Adam said:" This is now bone of my bones  And flesh of my flesh;   She shall be called Woman,  Because she was taken out of Man."   ²⁴Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh.

God’s plan and model has always therefore been a man and a wife joined as one flesh to bring up children and become a family.    Satan’s strategy therefore is to break up the family,  separate man and woman and say “did God really say “it is not good that man should be alone”   Think of what fun one can have as an individual,  without responsibilities,  without constraints of responsibilities which comes from having a spouse,  without having to worry about children and all that means.   And in recent years that plan has worked.    People have swallowed the lie and have developed the culture of the individual.   Of not having any responsibility for one another.   For each to be able to do their own thing without the slightest worry of consequence for one another.    If there is any problems,  if there are children,  if there is sickness,  disability or infirmity through old age then let someone else look after them.    Better still  let the state take over that responsibility.   

Over the years the church has allowed the enemy of our souls strategy to work simply by the church just remaining silent and taking marriage for granted.   It has not actively been teaching the congregation what and why marriage is God’s best plan.   So when people say why do we need to get married we have no answer except custom and respectability.    Nor have we celebrated marriage except on the day of the wedding.   (How many churches as a congregation for instance celebrate wedding anniversaries?)   As we really have no answer to why we need to be married,  under the guise of compassion,  understanding,  tolerance etc we allow our congregation to not be married but just live together.   Likewise for the same reasons single parents become not an issue.    Because the slippery slope is gentle and easy to slide down,  we did not notice until we now found ourselves in a position where we struggle against the idea that all life styles are equally valid and there are numerous models for “family”.     Satan’s strategy has worked.

One of the Christian church’s tasks therefore must be to counter the lie and restore the family as God intended it to be.   Firstly,  by restoring marriage back to its rightful place then teach people how to bring up children and   Finally encourage people to take responsibly for each other.    Help them overcome debt which is one of the biggest contributor to the breakup of family.   Restore self respect,  esteem and help avoid debt by helping to find jobs or voluntary work.

This individual churches have spasmodically tried to do,  according to the mood of the moment or space in the church programme.    This has always therefore been ineffective and amateurish.    The alternative has been the creation of para-church organisations which although overcoming the problems incurred by individual churches,  it easily becomes separated (divorced even) from the original church from which it sprung.    Growth and success means more resources (people, funds etc) and so the para-church starts to draw on non-church resources.   These resources although sympathetic to the Christian beliefs and values,  end up drowning out the Christian voice.    The alternative is for the para-church organisation remains small and amateurish and even shrinks as church funds are diverted to other worthy causes.   Another disadvantage with para-church is they so often give themselves names which don’t readily tell the world they are a Christian organisation.   They then find for fund raising purposes not offend or upset those they are trying to help, downplay their Christian values and concepts.     Another problem which eventually arises with the advent of para-church organisations as it stray further and further away from it's church roots is churches become seen as irrelevant as far as the world is concerned with no answers to people’s problems or needs.

A third option would be to create church network.    Each activity remaining within it’s own church  / structure,  promoting it’s own church and growing within itself but at the same time supported and helped by other churches in the network where and when needed,    e.g. training,  more specialist help,  expertise etc.   Shared manpower for instance.  Each individual church  grows (or shrinks) according to it’s own efforts and resources at it’s disposal.  Each can decide to specialise in a particular area depending on the vision of that particular church,  commitment and abilities.   The specialised church can then offer it’s skills and resources to the other churches in the network.   Provide training for the other churches and more detailed in depth skills for the other churches who have need for a person with more expertise than they can provide.   For instance,  all churches can provide within their resources befrienders who encourage those who need such befriending to their own congregation.    Within that congregation “listeners” can be trained by trainers from one of the larger or specialist churches.   From the team of “listeners,  counsellors trained to meet more in depth needs.   Each counsellor remaining within their own congregation and called upon by other churches as needed.

The advantage of networking

1.      Each group is accountable to it’s own leadership and part of the local vision

2.      People in need of help are drawn to/directed the local church and so help build up the local fellowship

3.      Local churches are seen as relevant to the needs of the area

4.      Funds/resources remain within the local fellowship and can be seen as benefiting the local community

5.      Relationships built with other churches especially the larger churches without it being seen as the “mother” church

Edward Noble

25 October 2010

Notes I made in 2010 - As anything changed?

NEW WINE INTO OLD WINE SKINS   

Matthew 9¹⁷ Nor do they put new wine into old wineskins, or else the wineskins break, the wine is spilled, and the wineskins are ruined. But they put new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved."

Mark 2²² And no one puts new wine into old wineskins; or else the new wine bursts the wineskins, the wine is spilled, and the wineskins are ruined. But new wine must be put into new wineskins."

Luke 5³⁷ And no one puts new wine into old wineskins; or else the new wine will burst the wineskins and be spilled, and the wineskins will be ruined.³⁸ But new wine must be put into new wineskins, and both are preserved.³⁹ And no one, having drunk old wine, immediately desires new; for he says, 'The old is better.' "

God is wanting to pour out His new wine into the church but it seems the leaders want to hang on to the old wineskins that is the way it has always been done,  the old rules and principles and are waiting for God to pour out His new wine into the wineskins they are holding up to Him.    Where is the fresh radical thinking.   The radicals of the past.

God laid on my heart a radical view of church which requires an hand to God and an hand to man or in the old Salvation Army motto “Saved to Serve” i.e. worship God and practical acts of service to men.    A couple of years ago God brought me back to Plymouth with a fresh stirring and passion to put that into practice with a vision for a new type of church in north Plymouth.    My first encounters in Plymouth were The Ark,  a community project running from a school in Widewell,   a children’s work in Belliver,  and the churches Carmel (now Engage) New Life and NPCC.

THE ARK.    A community project set up by the head teacher of Widewell Primary school,  mainly funded by NCF & Royal Sailors Rest (important connection for me seeing my Navy past and my son's present involvement although totally unknown by me at the time).     Set up following an Naval helicopter crash killing 8 marines all of whom had children in the school.   The need therefore for counselling and pastoral support for the wives and children at school.    How that came about the head teacher saw could only have been of God.    She also had a desire / longing for a church to operate from the school and looking for ways to bring that about.

THE CHILDRENS WORK.      Pete and Marlene  moved to a house in Belliver 20 odd years ago whilst members of PCC.   Ran a house group from their home and started working with the children from the area.    PCC pulled out of Belliver and Pete & Marlene consequently left the church but continued working with the children and now have 40 or so children coming to 3 different clubs they run from their home with great testimonies of how God has sustained their work.    They too were looking for God to set up a church in the area.

CARMEL.    I went into the church on the day in August 2008 that they announced they were taking over the small AOG church in Whitleigh and 30 of them would be going over to be part of a radical new church plant there.    My heart leaped and my spirit burned within me with a desire to be part of it.    After less than 10 weeks it became obvious the people they had hoped would go over did not want to leave their mother church.   Whitleigh AOG was (temporarily) closed down and everyone returned / started to go to Carmel.       In April 2009 they reopened the AOG in Whitleigh.   In recent months they have had a vision to sell the two church buildings (in Milehouse and Whitleigh) and have one large church in Whitleigh.  ( Later note.   They dropped that idea,  closed the AOG church and moved everyone back to Milehouse after renaming the Milehouse church "Engage.   A few months later sold the building in Whitleigh)

NEW LIFE.    I first met up again with New Life in November 2008 at a Crossline training day when 13 of them were taking part in a Crossline listening course.    13 people out of a church of around 50 involved in pastoral care!!   That seemed awesome.  A few weeks later I learnt New Life was moving into Widewell school with a view of starting a radical new type of church closely linked to The Ark and the children’s work in Belliver.    Although the intention was good and the vision God gave them is still as strong nothing further came of it.   The Ark has not developed any further than an aspiration by the project worker based at the school.    Likewise the children’s work in Belliver.    Shortly after New Life moved into the school,  the residents association in Belliver had a fresh burst of life and with the incentive of £70,000’s worth of funding from a legacy which was due to be lost if not used by the middle of 2010 is attempting to set up a community shop in the village.   Keith the pastor is awaiting the completion of that project and the children’s work moving into the building to provide the base from which New Life can grow.

NPCC.    Have had a tentative connection with NPCC from it’s birth in 1980’s  and both my sons being active members for 10 or 12 years.    In 2008 though the church had a totally different concept of church than the one I have always had.    We had therefore a fundamental difference of vision regarding church.    In around December 2009 at the Plymouth Foodbank’s AGM Wendy and Mike (lead members of NPCC) gave a presentation of an exciting new vision of project they were launching in January 2010.    That again stirred an excitement in my spirit and another confirmation of the vision God gave me in June 2008.     Reach and the satellite food bank has now been running in a small way for 10 months but a cofrontation with the minister of Central Methodist church and the manager of the Plymouth foodbank forced me to step down from the Foodbank and the lack of support from the NPCC leaders meant I was unable to become part of NPCC

Standing as it where on the outside it would seem no matter however hard I try, I cannot get involved with or become part of any of the churches much as my heart burns within me to do so.   So I stand as it were at the door of each knocking and asking to be let in but none will open to let me in as my radicalness does not fit in the old wineskins of the past.

Each of the leaderships believe the old ways of doing “church” is still the right way.   That membership requires an exclusive commitment to attend every and all meetings of that particular body.    To come into the congregation and act,  behave in a way that does not disturb, question or challenge the status quo or upset the most gentlest and quietest of the people there.    Over time the congregation then learns to accept then love you.   Only then can you be part of the church and the people listen to what God is saying through you and so able to be part of what is happening.      The drawback to that old way of doing church is it is no longer working.    It does not take into account what God could be saying nor does it address the needs and hurts of my own journey.

THE OLD WAY OF DOING CHURCH IS NOT WORKING:     In the last two years or so the church has shrunk still further.    Carmel (Whitleigh) had to close down and start again.    New Life’s congregation has halved and it’s hope is on the Residents Association being successful (and welcoming) in Belliver.   Both have postponed their visions until next year and the possible new buildings.    In the meantime talking to my son John the other day, he says that despite the size of the congregation there are few people to do all the task / work in hand,  thus the need for several complicated rotas.    Also although people say we should have this or need that when it’s put in place very few people attend/support it.    Keith says the same about New Life

WHAT GOD IS SAYING.    I am told time and time again to seek out God and listen to / do what He is saying.     Yet when I do there is no space or vehicle  for me to bring back to the leaders what I believe He is saying to me.    It would appear that God can only say what the leaders are thinking / saying or which fits in with their concept of church.    Either that or God can not possible say or do anything through me until I have changed and become acceptable in their sight.   Despite that God is slowly but surely putting place,  bringing about everything I have been saying over the past few years but either through blindness or bigoted they cannot see it.

NEEDS AND HURTS FROM MY OWN JOURNEY.    It is fine to say go away and wait or come back when you have changed.    Who is to help me to change if not the church.    If my posture,  mannerism language causes offense or upset,  if no one will come alongside and show me what is so upsetting about me and how it can be changed how can I change.   For instance Rob says my aggression comes out of frustration and so people avoid me.    Who is going to help me overcome or change that which is causing the frustration.   Without that help,  the frustration only becomes a bigger and bigger problem and people avoid me even more. 

Edward Noble

20th October 2010 

That help never came and so here I am,   in January 2015 still chasing the God of my youth in a church still trying to pour new wine into old oilskins

Frank Lake's Dynamic Cycle - An observation on babies entering this world

FRANK LAKE’S DYNAMIC CYCLE

Frank Lake (1914 – 1982) was one of the pioneers of pastoral counselling in the United Kingdom. In 1962 he founded the Clinical Theology Association with the primary aim to make clergy more effective in understanding and accepting the psychological origins of their parishioners’ personal difficulties. However, the training seminars in pastoral counselling, which he began in 1958, eventually enlisted professional and lay people in various fields from various denominations.

After obtaining a degree in medicine at Edinburgh University he studied parasitology at Liverpool School of Tropical Medicine.   Part of the studying of tropical diseases required him to compare healthy plants with diseased one in an endeavor to discover what had gone wrong and the effects the disease had on the plants he was studying.   In the process he began musing on the idea of  if only there was a perfect specimen of a man who could be studied in the same way.    As he contemplated on such possibilities friends pointed out that Christians believe Jesus was such a man and so he began exploring what the bible said about Jesus.   Shortly afterwards he became a Christian,  convinced that Jesus was indeed a perfect man who could be studied in the same way as he was studying tropical plants.     From there he became a missionary for the Church Missionary Society and was sent to India.

On his return he trained as a paediatrican and In the early 1950s, he retrained as a psychiatrist.     It was during this time he began to observe how when a child came into this world often unplanned or  it was accepted by the family, the group and his or her needs met.    Food,  clothing,  warmth,  comfort and love.   Through that the baby developed a sense of worth, value and status.    The whole world or so it seemed revolved around him.   Criy and someone came and picked him up no matter how busy that person had been or what they had been doing.    Felt uncomfortable,  wet,  cold and his nappy was changed and made comfortable again.   Hungry,  again someone rushed to feed him.   The baby did not need to do anything except let it be known he needed feeding,  his nappy changed or another blanket needed.     This confirmed his value and status in life and he didn’t have to do anything to earn it.   How could he not but feel good.   Feeling good he smiled,  waved his hands,   reach out and grabbed something.      This made him even more acceptable.   More people came and talked to him.    Now people gave him toys to play with,  even more eager to feed him,  change his nappy even though they could stink to high heaven.    People picked him up and played with him.    He must be really important and his status increased.   He felt even happier now and waved his hands even more.   He grabbed the rattle and waved it.   Tried to pull himself up,  smiled and made more baby noises.   More people came around,   his parents picked him up and beaming showed him off.   He feels even more accepted,  given more food,  more needs met and the cycle moved on.   More sense of worth,  more playing,   more acceptance.  More needs met and so it went on and in a good life that continues until the day he died many  years later.    Even then his last need was met.   A coffin and many people around to say good bye.  

From those observation Frank Lake developed his dynamic cycle (see above).    Of course very few people live 
that perfect good life.    Not all babies come into the world and are immediately accepted.    Not all babies have food when they need it.   Not all baby’s needs are met or have that sense of well being,  of being valued of having status and so do not become as active as they could have been.    A classic demonstration of this was when the Iron Curtain came down and people were first allowed into Romania.    Christians going into Romanian orphanages were shocked to see babies lying almost lifeless in cots.   Not moving,  not making any sound.     It wasn't long though with training and encouragement,  the staff started to pick the babies up and play with them.   Soon life came back into the orphanages and the noise of babies and children playing started to echo around the place.    

I experienced something of that in South Africa,  when Julia and I were taken to a Salvation Army children’s home in Johannesburg.   Only a few months earlier the Salvation Army had been asked to take over and run an orphanage where children whose mothers had died of Aids were being looked after.    Nobody wanted to touch,  let alone pick up and play with babies whose mothers had Aids let alone died of it.    So the babies laid there in their cots being given the minimum of attention.    When the Salvation Army officers first went in there were just row upon row of silent babies.   No sound, no movement.     It took time to get the staff to understand they needed to stay and talk to the babies,  let alone pick them up and play with them.    By the time we visited,  some babies were sitting up in their cots.   There were laughter,   noise and movement but they still had a long way to go.    There were still cots were the babies were silent,  who did not move but there was progress.   The staff were coming round to the idea of playing with the children and though still fearful,  picking the babies up to feed them and play with them.

Babies come into the world.    They didn't ask to come in,  to be part of the family.    They just came.   They knew though they were wanted and accepted,   whether perfectly formed with all limbs and faculties or not.   It doesn't matter whether some limbs are missing,  deformed or seem ill.   They are wanted,  they are accepted.    How do they know.   Parents,  relatives,  friends,  neighbours, who ever.   All come over to where the baby lays and talks to it,  makes silly cooing baby noises.  Picked up,  cuddled and played with.   They are swung about,  everyone laughing and the babies are left in no doubt they are wanted,  they are accepted and part of the family.    Food is provided,  on demand,  on the hour,  every hour if needed.   Other needs are met,  the baby only has to cry and someone comes running.   No wonder it feels good.    No wonder it feels of value, of worth, has status and it hasn't done a thing.    It has done absolutely nothing.   Nothing whatsoever to deserve all this attention,   to earn any of it.   A healthy,  happy child soon does though.   It waves it hands,  tries to smile,  play with toys.    Not to earn it’s acceptance.   Not to feel good, for it is already feels good,   it knows all it’s needs will be met by the group,  for it knows it was accepted right from the beginning.   And it continues like this throughout it’s childhood and into adulthood and into old age.   Or at least it would if life was as perfect as it was when the child was born.

Is there anyone out there with whom there is a spiritual connectivity

IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE - NO SPIRITUAL CONNECTIVITY

Is there anyone out there.    A silly question of course there is.     I now have 20 “friends” on Facebook and in just a month I have received over  630 hits or pages views on my blog site but still no comments nor response to either the blog or Facebook posting.    I did though have two replies to the emails sent out to the church ministers and Christian friend I know,   Both are Baptist ministers,   one a friend I had worked with 18 months or so back and still meet occasionally for coffee.    The other was initially interested in what I had to say in the email and after a couple of emails suggested we meet up for coffee.   I readily agreed and asked where and when.   He alas must have had a change of heart for I never heard from him with a time and date.   

One person though did respond to my request to be "friends" on Facebook with a number of messages.     Having no previous experience of Facebook when I started it at the beginning of January, I took up it’s suggestion to invited the minister of Grace Christian Centre in Mutley to be a Facebook “friend”.     In the meantime I had found their web site which gave their address and times of service on a Sunday and followed what I hope was God’s prompting to go to their Sunday evening service.   Alas the web site had not been updated for sometime and they no longer had services in an evening.    The next week I had a Facebook message from the minister saying he had received my Facebook request but did not accept invitations from people  he did not know.    I therefore told him a little about myself and that I had tried to go to their evening service the previous Sunday.   There then followed a series of message exchanges as I tried responded to his questions and observations on what I was saying.    After a while he ended the exchange,  saying he is spending too much time on Facebook these days and “blocked” any further correspondence.     It does therefore seem the lady who said I have no spiritual connectivity and should have no part in any Christian Group is right.   If this is so then there is nothing else I can do but to accept that for reasons no one is prepared to tell me,  I have been “blocked” from being part of the church.    Or is it that I haven’t committed some mortal sin worthy of being ex-communicated from the church as would first appear but the God of my youth is not the God of the church of to-day.   

The last two or three blogs have been to say to the friends of old,   tell me what I have done that offences.     Jesus said  “if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you,  leave your gift there in front of the altar.    First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”  (Matt 5 v23-24).   It is though difficult to be reconciled if no one is prepared to say what it is they have against me.    Only that like the elders of the church in Tavistock said “|Their first duty and responsibility is to protect their sheep”   From me?.     If so then all the church leaders have the same responsibility to protect their flock from me.

It of course may not be some sin that I have to be put out of the church for,   like Paul instructed Timothy but a fear that the leaders have.    A fear that I may not be a Christian after all but a wolf masquerading as a sheep.      If so test out what I am saying as I continue with the exploration of the past. 

No Spiritual Connectivity

NO SPIRITUAL CONNECTIVITY

It is difficult to know whether or not the lady had had a word from God that I had no spiritual connectivity and shouldn't be part of a group.   As I said yesterday I don’t know what is meant by spiritual connectivity or why I don’t have it.   Is it a recent thing linked to the incident with the Food bank.   Or something that has always been an issue ? 

 A year or so after the incident I went back to the Methodist hall and spoke to the minister.  I told him that on reflection it was a wrong thing to do and sincerely regretted my action following the confrontation.   As a gesture of that sincerity I also made a substantial donation to the Food bank.    If there is any connectivity it hasn't yet been restored and begs the question of forgiveness and being restored.    Paul says in his second letter to the Corinthians about a man who had grieved him  “If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you to some extent—not to put it too severely.  The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.” (2 Cor 2 v5-11)    Or Galatians 6 v1-3 “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently”   If I have allowed the acrimonious disagreement and action by the minister to lead to action I later regretted which may be counted as sin,  no one who lived by the Spirit would come alongside me to act like Barnabas and reconcile me to the church as he did with Paul (Acts 9 v27).   I did ask for help from leaders of New Life where I was a member at the time.    I also endeavored to talk to Rob and Wendy Clift,  whom I have been friends with since my early days in Plymouth.   All felt they could not get involved.   There then became a possibility of reconciliation through a  minister from the Methodist regional office,  who role was to resolve disputes between ministers and the congregation.    He though became seriously ill shortly after he was approached and there was no one to replace him.    So I was on my own.    As an aside,  as well as the numerous scriptures on forgiveness Jesus told the parable of the Prodigal son (Luke 15 v11-32).   We focus on the relationship between the father and the son but how many people in the church without realising it behave like the elder son,   v25 "Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26 So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 27 'Your brother has come,' he replied, 'and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound. ' 28 "The older brother became angry and refused to go in.”    How often have we acted like the older son and at the very least insisted that the prodigal live in the servants quarters.   Proof himself worth of being restored say for 6 or 12 months before he can have back the ring and cloak of authority which the father so readily placed on him.

I believe as I have repeatedly said over the years the purpose of church is

a)       Worship.      Most if not all churches are public venues and anyone can go to a church service to worship God.    It was this that made it such a shock to be told Julie and I cannot go back into the church we had been going to for the past 6 months or more.

b)      Friendship.   That raises the interesting question of what we mean by friendship.   The church would though like to use the word fellowship.   That is more "spiritual" and less demanding than friendship

c)      Service.    Likewise to be told my service is not wanted even though having now retired I have all the time in the world as well has having 50 years or more in a caring environment

Since returning to Plymouth,   I have tried seeking out a church where I could find the three but to no avail.    I have tried on at least 2 occasions to become a member a of church in Plymouth but each occasion I wondered whether God was wanting me to part of that fellowship as I found no warmth or welcome.     On each occasion when I tried to talk this through with the leaders I was told I have to regularly attend their church for a good 6 to 12 months to show I am of good character and committed to their fellowship.    To befriend people in the church and in due course they may befriend me.    As for service,  this in the main seems to have been contracted out to para-church organisations such as the Food bank,  Street Pastors etc

As well as the Food Bank therefore I’ve asked if I could help with:-

Crossline.     Julie and I originally were Crossline listeners with Gordon Wright and for quite a while Julie was their secretary.   Although I did the Crossline listeners course again on return to Plymouth and am also been a qualified counsellor for over 20 years,  I was told they cannot use me as I still have issues which despite “counselling” has not been resolved.

SALT  (Sexual Abuse Listening Therapy)     Like Crossline,   I helped set up SAIF (Sexual Abuse in Families) and did the SAIFLINE training course.     On return to Plymouth did the SALT training course again only told there is little or no requirements for a male counsellor as clients are all women.

Plymouth Options. (Debt advise service)   Although a Financial accountant dealing professionally with company debt,  budgets and all matters of business finance,  I did the initial online Debt Advice course and was a volunteer debt adviser but although they were short  of committee members and were needing trustees,   I wasn’t acceptable.

DATA (Debt Advice Tavistock Area)    Applied to become debt advise volunteer when it was first set up.     (I live close to Tavistock and was at the time going to St Andrew’s church in Whitchurch).      Although I felt the interview went well was turned down as I hadn’t been a member of a church in the Tavistock area for the previous 12 months.

Street Pastors (Plymouth)  was not selected for training after an initial interview.

Tavistock Food Bank      I was asked to represent Kings church on the steering committee setting up the Tavistock Food bank.   After a while I got the feeling I was being frozen out especially when it came to transforming the steering committee in to the Management committee and it then obvious there was no room for me in the organisation

All these people cannot be wrong and must indicate therefore there is something seriously wrong with me.    None though could or would tell me what it is or how I can obtain it.    Having said all that the common denominator in all this is a close knit Christian community where it is easy to see how my reputation will have gone before me.    Or if I had initially been accepted like when I was on the steering committee for the Tavistock Food bank,  my reputation caught up with me.     Again if this is true whatever has happened to the gospel of the second chance or the forgiveness that could be found in the church of my youth.

On the other hand the lack of spiritual connectivity may have nothing to do with any of this but either something I never have had or was lost  sometime in the past.     Something I have never been aware of or no longer can recall.    In the model of Johras Window,  something buried deep in box 4, the hidden window.    Something that only God can restore in His good time.

Maybe I had no spiritual connectivity from birth and why my birth father pressed my mother to abort me then when she would not left her before I was born.    Could that be why my legal father never connected with me and the marriage didn't last.   Then again when I first encountered God was the connectivity made then as part of being “born again” and we become spiritually live.    May it though have been lost when I chased after the Holy Spirit and became baptised in the Spirit,   thus becoming neither fish or fowl.    Neither a good Salvationist or good Pentecostalist.     The running away to sea  rather than going into the Salvation Army Training college.    Or in the early 80s when the Lord called me to be a watchman over the house of Israel.   Something I will explore in a later blog.     Each of them significant changing points in my life  when something major in the heavenlies may have taken place.   If the person is right,   whether by my own sinfulness since coming to Plymouth or in the depth of my past until God reveals it either by divine revelation or through His people I have to live with it.     Until then,  I can only echo Paul  in that His grace is sufficient." (2 Cor 12 v7.)

On the other hand maybe I have no spiritual connectivity with the church of to-day because I have not moved on or changed with the times.   The God whom the church follows today is not the God of my youth and so the church of to-day is not the same as the church of my youth.    

1 John 1 and Johras window - continues

1 John 1 and Johras window - Food Bank

My search for the God of my youth in the church of to-day continues with more reflection on 1 John 1 and Johras Window (my blog dated 5 Feb) there’s much in the private box Window 2 that I am aware of and in this exploration in such a public way moves the items talked about to window 1  where the whole world can now see.    Maybe this willingness to walk in the light as the first letter of John talks about can create an uncomfortableness for many people in the church,  for it forces them to confront their own feelings and private world.   To look again at why Jesus came,  forgiveness of sins and the difference between law and grace.    We talk a lot about it but find it difficult to live it.   Maybe this openness means people have to chose between what God’s says in His Word and our own natural instincts.     Window 3 in which there are things known to you but of which I am unaware of.    What do you do with those?    What does scripture says you should do as opposed to what we would like to do.   For instance Galatians 6 v1 says “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently.”     Do we or would we rather turn a blind eye telling ourselves God will deal with it.   Or if not God then someone else.    Better still, have nothing to do with that person.    Ostracize him,  vaguely recalling a scripture that says something about having nothing to do with that person or even putting him out of the church.     Could it be you are thinking of Matthew 18 v15 "If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.  But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.  If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”   Somehow though we jump to the last part of v17 “treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector” without taking the time necessary to give the other stages a chance to work first.    

The things in box 3 (things I am unaware of) can be embarrassing to draw attention to.    I come out the toilet forgetting to zip up my flies before leaving.    I am therefore unaware of my exposure but everyone else knows.    “Is my bum big in this”   How many of us are too polite to say yes and so the girl goes out to a party totally unaware how unsuitable or ridiculous she looks in that dress.    Body odour or B.O.  In the days of my youth there used to be a TV advert with the tag line  “B.O.  even your best friends won’t tell you so use....”   Do we often find sins people do,  equally embarrassing to talk about.    Well to their face anyway.    We have no problem  tut tuting to others about them or whispering behind their backs.    Yet how can a person change,  stop what they are doing,  change unless they are told.  When there are things in box three,   until you tell them and move them into box 1.      Of course that does not mean I will stop doing it or change.    I may now know I have B.O. but that doesn't mean I will start bathing more regular or using a particular deodorant.     But I no longer have an excuse and have only myself to blame if people stop sitting next to me.    The same with sin.    How can I repent unless you tell me what I have done wrong.

A couple of years ago now, someone recently told me that his wife,  a prominent member of Lydia Fellowship said she had had a word from God that I had no spiritual connectivity and shouldn't be part of a group.    I don’t know what this spiritual connectivity is or what I can do to gain connectivity.   It did though knock me back and was puzzled about but didn’t say anything further at the time,   I was though determined to reflect on what he had said and pray about it.     Later when I did ask him,  he said he didn’t recall saying it.   Whether or not he did,  it does seem to offer a possible explanation for the struggle I have in trying to connect with churches especially in Plymouth in recent years.     What is this spiritual connectivity.    Have I ever had it or is it something I lost through a sin or wrong doing on my part.   Again the first port of call is to God and ask Him to show me what it may be    We of course all sin.    Every day as we journey through life, failings weakness and rebellions constantly beset us and so each day we need to do as John said “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (but) If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us. (1 John 1 v 9:10).    I have always believed in and try to practise keeping short accounts especially with God,  so surely it is not those day to day sins that so easily beset us.    The only thing buried deep in the recesses of my mind though is the row Julie and I had with the minister of the Methodist Hall over the Plymouth Food Bank.    Julia and I had helped Eunice Halliday set up the Food bank in mid 2008 having just returned to Plymouth from Stroud.    Previous to coming to Plymouth we had both worked as volunteers for 4 years or so at the Gloucester Food bank.   The Food bank was then launched in September 2008 with Julia as secretary and me as treasurer.  

The original concept of the Food bank when set up in Salisbury by Trussell Trust in 2003 was as a practical Christian outreach,  demonstrating God’s love by distributing free foods to those in particular need.    Food donations in those days were difficult to come by and so they had to be fairly strict on who and the number of food parcels a person could have.    It was also felt that by taking an interest in the person needing the help,  whilst the food parcels were being made up,  would show they were cared for and other needs could be identified,  which could either met by the organisation or the person pointed in the direction of others who could.      It was also felt that a valuable part  was the opportunity to pray with people before they left if they so wished.      To that end food parcels were not made up in advance but only when the person arrived.    As this could in busy times take 10 or 15 minutes,  it provided time for volunteers in the Food bank to talk to the people whilst they waited.     Gloucester City church was very keen on working that way.    Other churches also joined in and took turns in being responsible for the Food bank and all agreed on the necessity and benefits of staying with the Trussell Trust policy and procedure.   

When we came to Plymouth Julie and I was therefore keen to set up and run the Plymouth Food bank in the same way. Which in due course was to cause difficulties between several of the Management committee and ourselves,   especially as Foodbank manager did not realise until half way through setting up the project that the Food Bank was a Christian project set up by the evangelical arm of the church.     The initial leg work needed in setting up the Foodbank was also carried out by 3 University students as part of the social side of their degree course.   The three students were not themselves Christian and couldn't therefore see the relevance or need for praying with the clients.     They also initially struggled with the notion of restricting who could have food parcels, arguing in particular that some of the university students could benefit from food parcels from time to time.      A couple of other people who although sympathetic to the Christian views were not Christian.    One of them apart from being uncomfortable with the idea of praying with the clients also felt it was undignified for the client to have to wait 10 minutes or so for the parcel and so pressed for parcels to be made up in advance so that they could be given out without the person needing to wait in the Foodbank.    There was also a notion put forward on a number of occasions that food parcels could be given to Social Workers and Health visitors so they could take them round to their clients without the necessity of the people having to come to the Foodbank and collect in person.     As Julie and I came from a totally different point of view we often found ourselves at loggerheads with other members of the committee and eventually we were both asked stand down from the committee although asked to remain as volunteers at the Foodbank.     This I found difficult to get my head round especially as the reasons given especially for both of us standing down put a slur on our character,  especially on Julie and left a question over our honesty and integrity.    Something I felt particularly sensitive to how it might reflect on my professional integrity.     The disagreement therefore between the Minister,  Manager and Chairman a became quite acrimonious  resulting in action I later regretted

First encounters in Plymouth - the natives are friendly

PLYMOUTH - THE NATIVES ARE FRIENDLY

But back to my search for the God of my youth in the churches of to-day.    Why can I not find the Christians to-day that I found in my youth.    Have I changed?    Of course,   I am not the wet behind the ears youth I was then but is that it?.  Has God changed?.    Is the message of the gospel different from what it was back then.    Or has the people changed?     I’m back in Plymouth,  so is it Plymouth.   Is it something in the water that we drink down here.

It wasn't when I first came here,   My early days in the Navy,  even later when I came back to work for Toshiba.     I first came to Plymouth in 1965 to do my basic training in HMS Raleigh.    6 weeks later I was off to Chatham to do my profession training as a Stores Accountant.    The first few weeks here I wasn't allowed out in case I ran back to mummy or those nasty ganners get you.    The last couple of weeks at Raleigh though we were let out at the weekends and I made my way to Plymouth Congress hall on a Sunday.    A couple of years later I returned to join HMS Salisbury and then came a posting to FMB (Fleet Maintenance Base) in the dockyard.     As I was here now for a while I started going to Devenport Morice Town Salvation Army.    There I was welcomed with open arms.     I told them I was a Salvationist and played in the band and no one questioned it or suggested I had to attend the meetings regularly for several months before being accepted or allowed to play in the band.    They maybe should have done as soon as they heard me play the baritone.   At least they had the sense to get me to play 2^nd baritone.    Good job there wasn't music for 3^rd or even 4^th baritone.    There were 3 main families there at the time,  the Serles,  Ponesfords and Cliffs plus a number of others whose names now escape me.     Everyone was warm friendly and accepting.     Of course as a young man I threw myself with enthusiasm into everything that was happening and there was a lot happening.    Maybe that is the difference,  then a lot was happening and we were all encouraged to join in.    Now there seems little life to throw oneself into.    Most Saturdays the lads seemed to find something to do together and almost always ended up back at the Ponefords or Serles to watch Match of the Day.    Sundays likewise there were three meeting (Morning Holiness meeting,   Afternoon Praise meeting and then in the evening Salvation meeting) plus a couple of open airs thrown in.   After the evening meeting we would inevitably end up at the Ponefords or Serles for a bite to eat before going home,  me back to my ship.    I did though notice that on my second or third posting to the dockyard,  Sunday evenings suddenly had gone very quite.    Most if not all the gang were now married and some now had children,  so as soon as the evening meeting finished everyone rushed home to their beloved ones and I was left hanging around asking myself "Do I really want to go back to my ship this early in the evening."   Apart from that nothing changed and I as usual was taken back to someone’s home for lunch and again in the afternoon for tea.    Alas there was no bite to eat at the end of the day.   Was getting too fat anyway.

Then there was Weymouth.    Every Royal Navy ship after being ”re-commissioned” had to go to Portland for “Work-up”    Training and breaking in a new crew. This lasted for 6 weeks before it was deployed back into the Fleet.    Whenever I could whilst there I’d spend Sunday at the Salvation Army in Weymouth.    Being in the UK,  we never wore uniform when ashore on leave,  so people wouldn't have known,  apart of course from the hair cut and the swaying from side to side because the land wouldn't keep still.   Or was it because the land wouldn't keep moving up and down?    The first Sunday I went to Weymouth Corp,  the warmth and friendliness was overwhelming almost to embarrassment.   First the almost ubiquitous  question “Are you a Salvationist” followed as quickly if the answer was yes “Do you play in the band?”  Followed by "What instrument do you play" and before you knew it an instrument is thrust in your hands and you are sitting in the band.    They never asked me to sing though.    Funny that,  I can’t think why.    I wonder if had anything to do with when I opened my mouth.      One this occasion though not only did I get the usual questions,   everyone or at least it seemed everyone asked me back for lunch.    I had made a rule quite a while back, if asked I'd always accept the first person who asked and so I did.    A sweet little old lady maybe but she didn't look as if she had much going for her but it was kind of her, so I graciously accepted.    Then like I said,  it seemed as if everyone else either before or after the morning meeting also invited me.    I was sorely tempted to ungallantly find the old dear and make some excuse so that I could accept what looked much better offers.    I resisted the temptation and the day with her was much better than I could have imagined.

Similarly in Chatham,  like Plymouth there was also great hospitality and a keenness to draw me into whatever was happening at the Army there.    One little thing that always even now makes me smile.    At the youth club on a Friday night,  the leader was over 6 foot tall and just as broad.    The first time I saw him leave the club,  he had put on a great big leather jacket,  trousers boots, and gloves and carrying a large motor-bike helmet.    He must be a real hell’s angel I thought,  you don’t want to mess with him.   He then went round the corner mounted a small 50cc moped and drove off down the land like the reverse of a pea on a big bass drum.      Then there was Dundee.    By this time I was married and hospitality ceased.   People those days expected your wife to feed you.    But again the are you a Salvationist?  Can you play an instrument?   Good, you are in the band.   This time though they needed a band sergeant .   A person who led the devotionals at the end of the practice and who looked after the spiritual and pastoral needs of the band members.   Would you like to take the job on.    Errrrr.   I've only just arrived and anyway I’ll be off again in a year or so.    "So.   What’s that got to do with it.   Will you take the job on or not?"    So I did,  for 10 months until the Navy posted me back to Plymouth.    I wonder what it would have been like if the church then was like it is to-day.    Come and sit in the congregation for 6 or 9 months and show you are committed to us.    You are reliable,  respectable and good character etc.   I never was based anywhere in the Navy for more than 18 months before Drafty sent me somewhere else.   Nowadays I would hardly have got my feet under the table before I was having to think of moving on.   Sorry guys I know I've now proved I am reliable etc but I’ll be moving on in a couple of months now.

Oh by the way,   it turned out I wasn't a Salvationist after all.   Shortly after I left Worksop to join the Navy,   someone thought it was a good idea to cancel my membership and took me off the role.    Didn’t find out until someone had the bright idea of transferring my membership from Worksop to Devonport .  But that’s another story in my quest to find out the difference between then and now.

Rio de Janeiro - A 10 day party

       RIO de  JANEIRO - A TEN DAY CELEBRATION

       The next day I made sure I was on the first liberty boat which left at 10:30.   This time it wasn't as crowded as most of the Jolly tars from last night were still nursing their poorly heads and we made good time to our allocated jetty.   John Foster the Salvation Army officer was there to meet me and we quickly made our way to the Salvation Army’unmarried mothers home which he ran with the help of another officer from Sweden.    An ironic place to start my tour of Rio I thought.    Just came off a ship where 200 matelots were ashore trying to have their wicked way with girls which if they did would end up here.   It was a really fascinating day,  meeting some of the girls and through signs gestures and help from my new found friend hearing their stories.    About 6 o-clock he took me back to the jetty where he had picked me up but not before arranging to meet again the next day and take me around some of the sites of Rio de Janeiro.    At around 7 a boat from the Jaguar arrived and out poured more of the crew and with them some messmates, all planning to paint the town red again.    Needless to say I didn’t get the boat which was on it’s way back to the ship for  yet more jolly tars.    Once again it was 4 in the morning before we got back to the ship.     This continued for the next 8 days.    John Foster meeting me around 12 each day and taking me off to see the sights.    Many off the beaten track and to places where the tourist wouldn’t see let alone my mates onboard as well as the usual ones like a swim on Copacabana beach.    A climb to the top of Sugar Loaf mountain,  well cable car anyway.     Another day, off to see the statue of Christ the Redeemer that towers over the city on the top of Corcovado Mountain.    Whilst another day it was a drive out to the Tijuca rain forest.    I didn’t always get swept  back towards the night life by sailors pouring off the liberty boat as I returned to the jetty.    Occasionally when I got back,  the jetty was empty and I jumped on-board the half empty liberty boat as it returned for yet more sailors.   Getting back on-board the ship,  I’d go down below to the mess-deck  only to find some of my messmates getting ready to go ashore again.    I protested,  I really did but there were some really big marines next to my hammock and you know what marines are like.   I told them it was 11 o-clock and I needed my bed but they wouldn't listen.   Honest they wouldn't.    On the Sunday John collected me as usual and took me to the local Salvation Army hall    There a couple of pretty young girls insisted in translating for me.    I mean what could I do,  it would have been rude to turned them down and keep with John,  wouldn't it.     This time they did get me back on-board without mishap.   I quickly climbed into my hammock and laid my weary head down before some big hairy sailor saw me and dragged me ashore again.    That’s one good thing about a hammock,  once curled up inside they can’t see you.     It went on like that for ten days but it wasn't all partying you know.    Occasionally we had to get dressed up in our monkey suits and show the Yanks how to march up and down to impress the local dignitaries.     Other times,  the mayor would come on-board with his entourage and we had to salute them or even offer them a cocktail or two.    I ask you with all that we could have been doing ashore.    The things we do for our Queen and country.

After 10 days and a great sigh of relief the order came to weigh anchor and head out to sea.   Or at least we thought that was to happen.    As soon as we got out of sight of the mainland,  we slipped into the bay of a small island and dropped anchor again.    The captain telling everyone he wasn't putting to sea with a shambles he had the nerve to call a crew.   Not without a whipping or two.   Or he would if he hadn't been too tired.     All therefore but the most essential needed to keep watch were  told to go below and get their heads down for 24 hours.   24 hours later normal life on one of her majesty's grey funnel lines returned to normal and we sailed down towards the Antarctic and our next port of call.

As for me,  if that is what life is like for a Christian in the Royal Navy is like,   it was fantastic.   Being a Salvationist I didn't drink,  something I was surprised to find my messmates accepted without the slightest qualm.     I couldn't match drink for drink with the other sailors though as Coke a Cola was very gassy compared with the local beers and I was therefore always out of pocket when it came to my round again.    I’m sure I had only had a couple of sips before it was my turn to head to the bar again.   As for church there were numerous Catholic churches.   Each as warm and friendly as the Salvation Army was in Rio.   Nor was the language a barrier.    I had prior to setting sail bought myself a Lingaphone course with the intention of teaching myself French but didn't get very far through the course.    First of all Portuguese is the main language in Brazil  whilst Spanish isspoken in the rest of South America.    I did try my French out in Dakar and a couple  of other places in Africa but to no avail.    Every little boy we met was desperate to practice their English on us and when pretty young girls wanted to translate it would be terribly bad manners not to let them.    It would,  wouldn't it?

More on my first trip abroad - Rio de Janeiro

My first trip - Rio de Janerio

The church of my youth used to have four clearly distinguishable streams which in my time in the Navy I regular came across and had the privilege of sharing fellowship at various times.    The Roman Catholic,   the Traditional ,   Evangelical and Pentecostal.   The main one for me was the Evangelical in the form of the Salvation Army.   As previously mentioned although a Salvationist ,  having been baptised in the Holy Spirit at early age.   I was as it where neither fish or fowl and had my foot in both the Evangelical and Pentecostal wings of the church.   The Navy though I quickly found out had all four streams blending together under the auspices of the Naval Christian Union,  all of whose members were active,  born again Christians,  Each strongly committed to their own particular brand of Christianity but at the same time sharing the same Faith,  the same Lord and as the letter of John said  fellowship with one another.    It was not long before I found out it couldn't be otherwise as very few “nominal” Christians survived long at sea.     The wine or in the matelot’s case,  rum and beer.   The women,    When my first ship,  HMS Jaguar returned home after 18 months abroad,  over 80% of the ship’s company had had Gonorrhea or some other STD, at one time or another during the voyage .   And song.   The Navy is a happy bunch and unless you were fully committed to the God you served you soon succumbed to Jack Tar’s version of wine women and song.

My first and throughout the next 15 years commitment was the Salvation Army although it was rare to have more than one or two active Christians on the ships I served on let another Salvationist.  In fact only once was there another Salvationist on the same ship as me.    When there were other Christians on the ship,  we would inevitably end up in one or other’s church,  depending of course on whether our own denomination was close at hand in the port we called at.    If not we would find ourselves going to the nearest church,  whether Catholic,  Anglican or other denomination.    On my first trip abroad the Jaguar had no other practicing Christians on-board and I found myself having to go ashore on a Sunday alone to seek out a friendly church,  hopefully where one or two people could speak English.    As a typical Englishman abroad I couldn't speak another language and thought all natives could understand shouting and waving hands about which I did with gay abandon.  

I did briefly mention my time in South Africa,  which to give full justice may need a blog or two on it’s own but Rio also deserves a mention as part of  the wine,  women and song life of life in a blue suit.    1966 was the 400^th anniversary of the founding of Rio de Janeiro  and we went there in order to join the celebrations.    Rio has one of the largest natural harbours in the world and it was packed with Naval ships from around the world for the celebrations.    So much so we had to anchor a mile or so out in the bay and go ashore by liberty boat.    The skipper decided as he and the officers would have to be ashore everyday on official “showing the flag” and other diplomatic duties,  the crew needed only “work” between 8 and 10 every day for the entire 10 days of our stay there and unless on duty could have shore leave the rest of the time.    Unfortunately because we were so far away from the shore,  boats could only leave and return every 2 hours.   As you can image the ship’s motor boat was always packed to the gunnels with sailors wanting to go ashore.   The first day therefore I missed the first boat to go ashore and so caught the second one at midday.   The boat as you could expect was so packed that it was a wonder it didn't sink before it got 10 yards from the ship.     It also because of being so crowded was making heavy weather of the journey across the harbour.    Fortunately a large American Navy launch (I was to find out they all had to be big,  didn’t they) came alongside us about  15 minutes into the crossing and I with several others managed to scrabble on to it and it zoomed across the water in no time.     I didn't know it at the time but the allocated American jetty the boat headed off to was 3 miles from our designated spot (told you the water-front is big)  and we were therefore dropped off miles from where we were supposed to be.    As we landed and walked towards the dockyard gates I caught a glimpse of a Salvation Army officer coming out of a nearby building.   I therefore slipped away from my mates to just say hello,  hoping he might speak a little English.    He did and just happened to be the only English Salvation Army officer or Salvationist for that matter in Rio de Janeiro.    We quickly exchanged notes and he agreed to meet me the next day at the correct jetty and I then caught up with my mates to explore the fleshpots of that great city staggering staggering back onboard the ship at around 4 the next morning.   A few hours sleep before getting up and turning “to” for a couple of hours “work” before going ashore again.  This time I made sure I caught the 10 o-clock liberty boat.    

God.   Or was it just a co-incident .    Missing the first boat ashore.    The next one,  two hours later was overcrowded and taking for ever to get to the shore.   A big yankee boat just happened to be passing and took pity on us poor sailors and come alongside my side of the boat to boot.    Gone to the other side and it would have been others not me and my mates who would have gotten on it.    The wrong jetty,  3 miles from where we should have disembarked and the only English Salvation Army officer in the whole of Rio,  just leaving a building as I walked by.    5 minutes earlier or five minutes later and I would have missed him.    God or what.     You choose. 

When the Music fades - Is it all about You

When the Music fades  -  Is it all about You Jesus

As I said in my last blog it is very difficult to see your own flawed nature without the help of others.   It is though hard to find anyone who will make constructive criticism or not take offense if you do not readily agree with what they are saying.    Even more so if you ask how what they are saying fits in with scripture.    A typical example is my disagreement with the Matt Redman’s song “When the music fades” or The heart of Worship.   In particular,   the part which goes.

I’m coming back to the heart of worship. 

 And it’s all about You all about You Jesus

I’m sorry Lord for the things I have made it

And it’s all about You all about You Jesus

What is it that I have made it?     Maybe in there is the clue as it could be the reason I no longer fit in the church of to-day.    Why,  as the lady said  “I have no spiritual connectivity”  whatever that means.    More importantly I find it hard to see that it is “all about You all about You Jesus”.      The God who reigns in heaven,  surrounded by billions upon billions of angels worshiped day and night.    Night and day or at least would be if there was night there.    Read Revelations.    Is it all about worship.    “And whenever the living creatures give glory and honor and thanks to him who is seated on the throne, who lives forever and ever,  the twenty- four elders fall down before him who is seated on the throne and worship him who lives forever and ever. They cast their crowns before the throne, saying….” Rev 4 9:11 (ESV),  Try not bowing down and worshiping whenever you encounter the Living God or even just hear someone praise Him.  The God who lives in heaven,   in a luxury and splendor John found difficult to describe left all that.   For me.    Born in a messy,  smelly stable,  full of cattle,  sheep and donkeys.    Not a patch on the sweet,  sentimental and cute manager we portray every Christmas.   Fleeing on one of those donkeys for his life within weeks of being born.    Parents struggling to make ends meet and people questioning his parentage.    30 years of hard graft as a carpenter’s son before dying the most excruciating death after being flogged almost to death before being n nailed to a cross.   He did it for Him ?    It was all about Him.     Is it heresy  to say “Rubbish.    It is not all about Him but it was all about me….and you…..and you…and you.”     He did it for me.    Isn't that the message of the gospel   “He did all this for me”   He did it so that I could live.     I could have life and more abundantly that I could ever imagine.   He did it so in due course I could stand in Heaven with multitudes upon multitudes shouting  “Salvation belongs to our God" (Rev 7 v9:10 NIV).     It is not “all  about You Jesus”  It is about me.    It is all about us and the command Jesus gave all His disciples,  all His followers to “Take up your cross and follow Him”   To do like He did.    To die for others as He did.   That is the worship He wants from us on earth.     Isn’t that what Matt Redman meant,   What he was looking for?

When the music fades,  all is stripped away (the singing,  the worship?)

 And I simple come

Longing just to bring something that’s of worth

That will bless Your heart

I will bring You more than a song

For a song in itself

Is not what You have required

What is it He requires    A cross??

Who are you - Johras Window

Although Johras created it as a window I have turned it into boxes or rooms in which I looking down on myself can see whats in rooms 1 and 2.    Whilst people looking in from the outside see what is in rooms 1 and 3.   No one can see what is in box 4 although we know it is there and there are things in it    As Christians we would say only God can see what we have hidden in there  

The first is straight forward   The open window.   Both I looking down and others looking from the left can see in there..   They are the obvious things about me.    My height,  colour of my hair, eyes etc.    Things on public records and things I chose to disclose.    My life's journey,  wounds, scars,  things that hurt.,   please or delight.

The second.   My private self.    Things I know about myself that I chose not to disclose.    My private thoughts,  feelings.   Things even that I am ashamed of but I would rather no one else finds out.

The third becomes more interesting.   Things people know about me but I have long since forgotten.    Behavior I am not conscious of,   both good and bad.     Body language.   The clenching of the fist when starting to get angry.    Gestures I do not realise I am making.   The tapping of fingers,  the grinding of teeth.   All the things that are obvious to others but I don't know about myself.

Whilst the fourth is the hidden or unknown.   My sub conscious or unconscious mind.    Deep feeling I do not know I have.    Memories long forgotten but still there buried deep down in my unknowing..

Things,  feelings,  emotions in each of the four boxes or rooms affect my behaviour,   make up who I am and cause me to behave,, act as I do..     Knowledge they say is power and the more you know about yourself the more you can chose how to behave.   How to act,  what to do,  how to behave.   The things in box two you can chose to disclose to others or not as you feel is right to do.   In doing so you chose to move it into box one or keep it private in box 2.     It is only things in boxes 1 and two you have any power or control of.   If you don't know you are doing it then you can have no control over it.   You can not stop or change your behaviour unless you know what it is you should change.   Which is were other people come in.    People who see what you are doing which you do not know you are doing.   Gestures,  words you use which you are not aware you do but annoy,  anger or upset others,  you can only stop,  control or accept alas unless you are told first.    Someone seeing what's in box 3 telling you  and in doing so moves it into box 1.   You can move things into room 1 others move things from room 3 to room 1.

As for things in room 4 only God can show you those until then you are controlled by your inner nature,  impulses and things long forgotten.   He may reveal them in His own mysterious,  miraculous way.    He may use others.    Counselling,  A chance remark,   a throw away gesture,  word or statement,  Prayer,  An action or deed by another person.    However He does it,   it is only then,  when what is in room 4 is moved to either room 2 ( a revelation only you are aware of)  or room 1  when others are knowingly used by God,   can you chose to continue the way you always do things or change.

To change you need others to first help you see what is making you behave as you do.  to help you see who you are.     For it is not what you do that makes you who you are but who you are that makes you do what you do.

1 John 1 v1:10 and Johras Window

The first letter of John is probably my favourite book especial the opening verses

1 John 1 v5:10  This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 6 If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.  8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.

Possibly because transparency is engrained in my DNA  and the concept of walking in the light is at the very root of the gospels I love the first chapter.

John’s Gospel starts with “In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. (John 1 v4). and the concept that Jesus is Light and runs throughout his gospel.   So it is not surprising that John picks up the theme again in his letter.      The problem though with light and transparency is that there is nowhere to hide our failings,  weaknesses and flaws in our character.     Sin as the bible would call them.    So if we were to walk in (His) light and have fellowship with each other, we each will see one another’s faults and failings as well as sins.    Our,  weaknesses and irritating parts of our nature are exposed for all to see.    Even things that easily that annoy or anger others.    Yet for John that is not a problem,  for he goes on to say the blood of Jesus absolves us of our sins.    Cleanses,  sanitizes.     For us though it is a serious issue.    A major problem,  so we would rather hide or cover up or as Jesus said “Men love darkness rather than light,”  so that people don’t see us warts and all  (Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. John 3 v19)     We even deceive ourselves and say we have not done anything wrong at least not on this occasion.   And not on any occasion for that matter.    Or as John says “if we claim to be without sin we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.    BUT   If we confess ours, he will forgive us our sins.)    (are we not therefore required to do likewise.   1 John 2 v6 Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did.)   John finishes chapter 1 with v10 If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.

If therefore I am to explore the difficulties I am experiencing with the church these day.    I must start here with John’s letter.   Looking at myself.   Looking to see what I have done or doing wrong.    The problem is,   it is very difficult to see your own flawed nature.   The things,  the sins in me.   It is much easier to say “I have done nothing wrong.”  “ It’s not me it’s the others”    Or as the mother said of her soldier son on parade “Look.   My little Johnny is the only one in step”.     In that regard Johras window is a great model to express how both we and others see ourselves..